ARRGGhh Daughter got Drunk again.

[TheClassicCarKid]

yikes...I know older people don't agree, but you have to realize that at this point in your step-daughters life, what other people at school think of her is probably the most important thing to her. And right now she's the girl with the crazy stepdad. We knew a girl with a dad who did that, and that was the last party anyone asked her to go to. You may not care if that happens to her, maybe even think it's a good thing, but that is HORRIBLE for her. No reason to get the police involved, hold your stepdaughter responsible for her actions and end it at that.
On a related note...
When I was in school my parents told me not to drink, but if I did they told me straight up that if I was drunk or my friends trying to drive were drunk that they'd come and pick us up and take us home. I feel like that's a really important conversation to have and might save some lives.

[BigRigMike]

Originally Posted by Scott@Bjorn3D

Well my wife and I have calmed down. We are not going to press charges. The boys parents are going to spoken to by a police officer and told what happened. With the warning if anything involving stuff like this again at their house the parents will be arrested. If the boy is 18 he would be arrested also if it happens again.

I guess this kid is really scared since my recieptionist at the office dated him and talked to her. Yeah don't even go there with having a young girl working her, I did not hire her the owner did.

The boy I guess is a decent football player and this could end any chances of college for him if we pressed charges.

I don't want to sound rude but if you were considering having the other parents and kid arrested were you considering having your daughter arrested for underage drinking? I mean the kid and parents did not force her to drink but if they let her drive home drunk then that would change things.

[Havok]

I hope no one takes this as a personal attack.

I think problem in America is that drinking alcohol is not something a parents shows their child. By that I mean most underage children their first drink happens at a friends house or when their parent isn't home. Therefore a lot of children don't know how to "use" alcohol, and often find themselves in dangerous situations where they are not properly "schooled" on what to do. I think if US society was a little more open to drinking kids would be more likely to start drinking with a more responsible adult than one of their peers.

I don't have any personal experience, but I heard stories of kids in Europe and other countries, where the minimum age is lower, start drinking with their parents and therefore learn how to better handle alcohol compared to us. Plus most countries have a lower alcohol age compared to their driving age which reduces the amount of drunk driving problems that you run into when people don't know how to probably "handle" their alcohol.

In the context of this sitituation: I'd probably be upset just like the OP, however, so many kids these days (and I'm not trying to make an excuse) are drinking. I think I would try to properly educate my son or daugther, and hope that when they go out into the real world they make the best possible decision, whether it is to drink nothing or drink little. Shit happened try to use it as and educational experience whether thats grounding her until she's 80 or w/e you seem fit.

[Scott@Bjorn3D]

Originally Posted by TheClassicCarKid

yikes...I know older people don't agree, but you have to realize that at this point in your step-daughters life, what other people at school think of her is probably the most important thing to her. And right now she's the girl with the crazy stepdad. We knew a girl with a dad who did that, and that was the last party anyone asked her to go to. You may not care if that happens to her, maybe even think it's a good thing, but that is HORRIBLE for her. No reason to get the police involved, hold your stepdaughter responsible for her actions and end it at that.
On a related note...
When I was in school my parents told me not to drink, but if I did they told me straight up that if I was drunk or my friends trying to drive were drunk that they'd come and pick us up and take us home. I feel like that's a really important conversation to have and might save some lives.

You do not seem to realize I work for the police also.

Also after checking into more stuff this kid deals drugs and has had his house raided before for underage parties.

[Bulldogwinters]

Originally Posted by Scott@Bjorn3D

Yeah what sucks is some of the parent of the people at the party are like they are kids that just what they will do. I am like WTF, what if we where all at the hospital watching a sheet pulled over your kids head.

They are more worried and mad that the police are involved and that there kid may get questioned by them. I almost wish they would lock them all up for a weekend and scare these kids straight. Then they tried to pull the guilt game on me how I ruined my daughters senior year since everyone in school is going to hate her.

Well every action has a reaction, this is the second time we caught her and god only know how much she has done we do not know. Personal I hope her moms keeps her grounded for a long time so this kid will learn. Unfourtanetly she is already posting on Facebook how she can't wait to go off to college next year and get away from us.

I assume your goal in this is not to ruin her senior year, and believe me; her friends may sit and talk about this incident for the next few days.. but besides the occasional "remember when your step dad crashed that party? yeah that sucked!" or the people that got in trouble with the authorities, nobody will hold it against her. Isn't it a parent's job to care about their child's safety and the safety of other peoples children?

In most cases I don't blame the kids. As most people in this thread have said "sounds like me at 17" you'll never be able to stop everyone from drinking. That's just a fact. However, if more parents gave their children RULES or punished them, you may be able to lower the amount of kids out there doing stupid things. My parents are moderately strict, but nothing compared to what I hear about in their childhood stories. but hell, almost all of my friends DO NOT have curfews. There's the first place they went wrong. My mom always made my sister come home and give her a kiss goodnight so she could smell if she had been drinking. (me not so much, because I don't drink very often)

Like I mentioned, you will always have kids out drinking.. I just wish more kids would be smart about it. If I ever drink first, I make sure I'm staying the night at the persons house. and second, I make sure someone who isn't drinking has my keys. I may be impressionable enough to allow peer pressure to kick in, but I am not dumb enough to drive drunk.. or let someone drive me home that is drunk.

there's my thoughts on this subject, ignore them if you think I'm just a dumb kid... but that's just how I feel.

[motorhead]

I not about to give you advice since I don't really know you or your step daughter ,but After reading some of the advice that was posted here, I can see why the country is so screwed up.

[2010 2-Tone]

Originally Posted by Treefrog

^^ Harsh but spot on.. You won't stop her unless you chain her in the basement and thats only good for what, couple weeks at a time? lol

Seriously though, supporting her would get you soooooo much more. Explain the dangers and tell her you know you can't stop her but you are there for her.. Tell her to call you for a ride home.. NEVER ride w/ drinking friends.. Offer to give her and friends a ride if need be.. Meet her half way and convince her to do the same.. Its the only real way to win.

You have gone about it the wrong way. You will push her further away by what you are doing. You think that drinking is that bad, it could be alot worse!!! Get on her side, explain why you are concerned and talk about ways to deal with it. What was you doing at 17? If you were anything like most of us it was a whole lot worse. They will experiment. You just have to help them along on making the right choices as much as you can WITHOUT going overboard because you will lose. It might be hard to do but step back, get your wife involved along with Steph and have some talks with all about your concerns. You have to realize at 17 she is going to think she is right on everything and she is going to try things and if she knows ya'll are on her side I think she will be better off. Just my thoughts from having 2 girls go through that age in the last 8 years.

[PQ]

Originally Posted by TheClassicCarKid

yikes...I know older people don't agree, but you have to realize that at this point in your step-daughters life, what other people at school think of her is probably the most important thing to her. And right now she's the girl with the crazy stepdad. We knew a girl with a dad who did that, and that was the last party anyone asked her to go to. You may not care if that happens to her, maybe even think it's a good thing, but that is HORRIBLE for her. No reason to get the police involved, hold your stepdaughter responsible for her actions and end it at that.
On a related note...
When I was in school my parents told me not to drink, but if I did they told me straight up that if I was drunk or my friends trying to drive were drunk that they'd come and pick us up and take us home. I feel like that's a really important conversation to have and might save some lives.

I couldn't disagree more. If that's what it takes, then so be it.

But, the hard part here is being a 'Step Father' and not the biological. There can be a disconnect. Especially when mom doesn't support the SF.

Not sure what the deal is with Scott here, mom may be just fine with Scott being the full decision making dad, but it is still more dificult. Mine would want to call child services at this point. I've already had her against the wall. It gets their attention. Trust me. I was no saint growing up. I had a conscience, but what kept me out of trouble was the fear of consequence. And I'm not talking about restitution, but DAD..............

Good luck Scott. I know it's not easy.

[Treefrog]

Originally Posted by motorhead

I can see why the country is so screwed up.

Humm.. folks been saying that for what.. like 60 years?? They prolly said it in the great depression times as well... That would make it like 90years old?

Times change.. Flow along or get outta the way.. They been saying that for a long time too.. 8)

[rangomr]

LET GO WITH LOVE. She is only your step daughter and I've been in your shoe's twice and today they are both great adults. What did you do when you where their age? I know I did just what I wanted to do and my parent did not get in my way.

[BackinBlackSS/RS]

All this advice may or may not be the right thing to do. No two situations are the same and no two kids are the same. What works for one may not even come close to working for another. There is no insruction manual for raising kids. You just got to do what you feel is right and learn a few things along the way.

[2ndgenz28]

Red Foreman would be disappointed that you caved in. You know you doing the right thing if they are miserable.

And I sure hope this wasn't a missed opportunity to stop a future drunk driver from killing someone.

[Maa107]

Wow I wish I had that life of just partying and getting drunk.... If my parents would ever catch me doing this I would seriously be close to being dead. And yes they would take out the belt or as a matter fact anything within arms reach they would grab and throw. When I was 17, well I still am, I already had a full-time job and went to college full-time. I just think that some of these kids are so spoiled that they are not told anything when they do something wrong....

[FenwickHockey65]

Originally Posted by Bulldogwinters

I assume your goal in this is not to ruin her senior year, and believe me; her friends may sit and talk about this incident for the next few days.. but besides the occasional "remember when your step dad crashed that party? yeah that sucked!" or the people that got in trouble with the authorities, nobody will hold it against her. Isn't it a parent's job to care about their child's safety and the safety of other peoples children?

This.

Trust me, nobody will hold it against her. Kids are so busy with other stuff these days that drama typically blows over in just a few days. The parents who tried guilt-tripping you were just scared that their kids were going to get in trouble.